Wanting Enlightenment

When we embark on a contemplative path committed to cultivating the Witness, committed to just witnessing our experience without consciously adding a conceptual over lay to it, we are following the path of least resistance. Many times I’ve encountered one obstacle after the next, and become aware that my resolutions have reached the point where I’m powerless to stop the impulse to struggle, to stop the resistance. During such times I’ve invariably received the counsel that if I would just surrender to the difficult times and allow the teacher within to lead, my problems would resolve themselves. The caveat is often added; such advice is meaningless however, since you continue to refuse to be led.

I still resist this teaching when I’m dealing with seemingly external obstacles. What has changed over time is there is now much more awareness of the futility of resisting the resistance. When we resist resistance, we now have another resistance, and more energy is put into the two resisting each other. There is merely an increase in the overall energy of resistance. Upon hearing this teaching, there used to be a voice inside me retorting, “I’m refusing to be led? Ok, now I firmly resolve to be willing to be led.” This reminds me of an old Zen friend relating the story of riding in a car with Suzuki Roshi in the late 60’s. He enthusiastically proclaimed to roshi, “I’m going to rededicate myself to your profound teachings roshi. No more indulgence in fantasies, no more indulgence in meaningless distractions, etc. He rambled on for some time, and when he pridefully glanced over to see roshi’s reaction, roshi was leaning against the car door, fast asleep, and beginning to snore.

So in contemplative practice, a recurring obstacle we will continually face is the deeply conditioned movement of the mind that wants to cultivate and preserve the separate self sense that now manifests as the endless search for the enlightened ‘me’. So much has been written about the use of drugs to induce mystical experiences, and how this aspect of our spirit of inquiry is conditioned by wanting to glorify the enlightened ‘me’ experience. This conditioned belief system we desperately cling to, the deep rooted belief in our separate bodies and minds being our actual substance and identity, isn’t this a kind of invisible drug in itself? With very few exceptions, aren’t we all egoholics stumbling around largely unaware of our addiction to personal gratification and suffering?

We’re often told that full enlightenment can’t be realized until we want nothing else; until there is a fully established centered quality to our prayer and/or contemplation that is no longer interrupted by any distractions. I watched the very first part of an Adyashanti video not too long ago, he was on stage being questioned by Tami Simon of Sounds True.  Adya had recently said, “I have very rarely met anyone on the spiritual path who reached the stage of no longer wanting anything else other than authentic spiritual awakening.” Tami inquired as to why this is so rare, the tone of her questioning and the feeling in the very large audience was one of how can we become one who no longer wants anything other than authentic spiritual awakening? I’ve been dealing off and on with this same dilemma for a very long time, and my questioning came to the point of asking myself, “How much can you actually want authentic spiritual awakening?”

When we relax and just become aware of our breathing, we can feel our breath breathing into and through our body by itself without any effort on our part. This power of our breath is a free gift from our life force, from spirit itself, asking nothing in return. Though it appears to want nothing, the power of spirit’s potential wanting is inconceivable. We ignore this when even in the most powerful revelations, there is still almost always the tendency to fixate on ‘I am this, this is what I really want.’ Only when that thought becomes, ‘been there, done that too many times already’ does the mind finally let go. I’m not saying this as someone who has let go completely. But it has become more and more obvious that my wanting to want nothing other than complete awakening, is wanting something else. This is still wanting some object of our mind, still wanting some idea of what complete awakening is that we fixate on. How much more liberating could the love and joy pouring through our being be, if the thought stream that is the little ‘me’ didn’t try to interfere?

Enlightenment experiences are powerful aids and milestones on our journey. However though they are partly experiential objects, they still are objects of our minds, and are meant only for the moments they are experienced. I still remind myself to let them pass by. This opens the way for us to more fully receive the free gift of spirit’s energy. And this opens the way for our spirit of inquiry to more fully flourish. Could it be that higher forces than we can conceive of are gently pushing us through the birth canal to finally be reborn as the truth of our being?

3 Responses to Wanting Enlightenment

  1. Shokai July 28, 2015 at 11:28 am #

    Love it as usual and your presence is felt in each and every word. Look forward to seeing you again at a Zazenkai in Boca! In gassho, Shokai (Kathy)

  2. Piro Papa July 28, 2015 at 12:40 pm #

    Hello Roger beautiful beautiful writing again.
    We are the Truth and the Truth is continuity
    Infinity and for ever changing. The obstacle that the spirit face when in a temporary reality it wants to measure the process of its evolution by putting in front of it self a self imagined stage of achievement and using a form projected memory from this temporary reality.
    In reality the only way in existence is Spirit Evolution in Eternity and this unnamed no form and no shape existence uses a complete different memory not based upon forms events and activities through time but as vibrational frequency wich it can be brought to any temporary reality as toward infinity.
    Saying that is the same spirit who have all the questions and inquiries as you wrote beautifuly in this blog all those are experienced because Spirit Evolution didn’t come to the stage of development to not forget who it is when projecting it self in a form sow it is not that we are not born yet it is that awareness it is not evolved and a dream sleep state is manifested and experienced wich in it self is exactly what is needed because that’s where awareness is and with the help of the Creator and our inbedaded inquirie a beautiful realization will come to be that we were created free we are the Love through Eternity that will come only when we will remove our self from infront of our self.
    Love and Light

  3. Roger Hawkins July 28, 2015 at 3:40 pm #

    Great Piro, Our spirits are singing in harmony!

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